the nature of one

maybe i am originally an introvert. or i begin to be one--i don't know.

since i stepped into this so-called campus life, i don't go outside that much. college keeps my hands pretty busy.

but, when i feel like going outside, i began to hanging out alone. eating alone, going to cinema alone (this one is not recommended), shopping alone (if not with mom), etc.

it all started like this --

when i was in high school, i lived in Bogor, so my high school friends are all in Bogor.

and suddenly my family decided to move to Serpong, where i don't know anyone. i could hardly make friends here. i don't join any community, group, club, or attend any course, class, anything that could introduce me to new people. yes, i am alone in this damned town.

i made some friends in university, but nobody i know lives in my town. and i'm like, shit, why--among so many university friends who came from various places--nobody lives in the same place as me?

and so i've got nobody nearby to hang out with. i think it's too much of an effort to go to Bogor and other cities by train (which can take two hours or more) just to sip iced coffee and go to cinema with some friends.

i didn't quite enjoy being alone. at first. especially because the circumstances force you to.

but lately, there's some kind of relief, or comfort, every time i am alone. at weekend, i value to do these things more--sleep, read books, surf in the internet for long, long hours, etc. things i can't afford to do in my weekdays.

i don't feel any urge to meet my high school friends. i mean, sometimes i miss them, but somehow i don't miss them that much. we could interact via social network or chat apps, anyway. besides, many of them don't really put any effort to meet me, though. just as i do. they got new friends, so do i. besides, i hung out with them too much back then, so if we meet again every weekend and go to the same mall all over again, it's just boring.

with my new college friends? well, we meet everyday, go to same classes everyday, so why bother to meet in weekend if we will meet again for the next five days? and we still could use chat apps when urgent.

i don't know. maybe these are symptoms of being an introvert? or did i just not realize it back then? but i feel comfortable this way. i enjoy spending my time with mom every weekend. we talk about all things without being insecure or ashamed.

i love the way i am now, and i don't intend to change things the way they are--the way i am.