self control / music

so recently i am determined not to open my Path account anymore(for foreign readers, in case you don't know, Path is a trending social media in my country, Indonesia).
no special reason... just want to be less attached to my gadget :)
errr no. actually i have another reason--i don't feel like knowing my friends' updates.
at first it's fun, knowing what people around me are doing; it helps me keeping up with latest updates and gossips around. but lately people are updating useless shits--spamming with unnecessary updates, bragging about fancy places and things, posting love quotes, even going not-so-frontally upset without mentioning the people they are upset to (re: bikin status ngomel sok frontal tapi no mention)(!)(omg what are you? high school student?). anyway i had enough of those people--not the people, some of them are still my real-life friends, but you know... they are so different in social media and i decided i better befriend them in real life. their updates are not really important anyway... i could still ask them personally if i really want to know. not that i want to know every single thing they do every time, right.
the problem is, it is slightly boring without Path to open in my spare time (haha! i know you wanna say something). and sometimes i still have urge to tell the world what i am doing at a time (you must think i am an exhibitionist, but that is a quality every Path user has, like, of course right? bragging is what Path was made for ;p)
but well... i decided it is not a good habit to be to attached to social media whatever the reasons are. so yeah i'm sticking to my determination. actually i don't think i can log out for good (which is why i haven't deleted my account yet) but i hope this is for good. i think my life gained a bit more of peace ever since i don't open my Path--i don't really feel curious about what people are doing (i really do when i am still active on Path. i open Path like, every ten minutes when i don't do anything :s), and because i don't know what people brag about, i don't think anything negative towards people who post shitty, unnecessary stuffs like i told you before, like "i'm tired of A updating her...." or "i bet B's updating this to get sympathies!" (actually i am also tired of myself thinking negative about those people, i mean, technically A B or those people have done nothing wrong to me). i feel slightly more relieved :)
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which is why i'm updating my blog right now. i'm bored :( but actually i'm in the middle of doing my Research Method assignment, so make it bored and depressed :(

anyway, right now i am soooo into Bon Iver, Epik High, and Banks (preferentially ordered).
Bon Iver--i told you, everyone can sing, some can entertain, but only this one cures. Cures me from what, i don't know... i feel sad every time i hear their songs, but i always feel better afterwards. you should listen to I Can't Make You Love Me / Nick of Time omg it melts my heart, omg.
Epik High is as epik as ever--their songs are the only rap songs i listen to, and even if they are rapping i still feel relaxed every time i listen to them continuously, i don't know why, maybe because of the tone of their songs--it's highly melancholic, even in major keys you can still feel sad. i love them. i haven't had the chance to read the book written by Tablo, awww i should get it on the bookstore soon. oh ya, actually what makes me really into them lately is because they released a new album--SHOEBOX! i love half the songs, the rest are just so so i think. but i love them, i love Epik High!
Banks is like ordinary singer (umm, not so ordinary actually) i listen to. her voice is very, very good, and i am an addict for her song Brain, but i get the feeling i will be bored before long... hahaha. but Banks is definitely something. her voice is really good and her songs are unique. if you like... Lana Del Rey, maybe? you will find Banks entertaining.

okay. will be back to my assignments. maybe i will talk about something else in near days to come if i am still as bored! hehe. catch u folks later. ;)

good to see pictures alive

it's been very long since my last post. i mean, even my last post was about 2013 review.... what?

it's not like i miss blogging, actually... but this time i just wanna share something that bad.

jeng-jeng. ta-daah.
so i have new hobby -- watching movies! :)
watching movies has never been my kind of thing before. i like going to cinema, but of course it's just a way to spend time with friends. true that sometimes i'm curious about the film, but nah, i wasn't really into movies before.
then i know this particular senior i met in one of my committee, JGTC, at the year 2012. she brought us team building -- she arranged us a movie-and-dinner day out. we watched the movie Confessions (Kokuhaku) (2010) and the movie is that good!!! umm i think writing about the movie would be pretty much a hassle for me, so you can google it yourself....but it's about crime-thriller, and if you like that sort of genre, i bet you'll love that movie. once more, it's THAT GOOD.
so anyway i know then she is a moviegoer. and some of my team members slash friends start watching movies, too.
no, i don't fall in love into movies immediately. in fact i just start watching movies recently. but i must admit that i know i'm gonna have something with movies the moment i watched that film Confessions. i mean, i don't know that there are actually movies that good out there. oh, how great human inventions are.
then i experienced indescribable boredom at some time in months ago. that's when i'm thinking about watching movies. and i asked my senior for movie recommendations.
and na-ah, actually the movies she recommended were not as good as Confessions. but she recommended unique, weird films, and those films opened my eyes that there are so many aspects of films to adore than just CGI, good timely plot, cool action scenes, and so on.
at this point, if you don't understand what i'm saying, i'm sorry, tee-hee. i don't know how to put it into words; let's just say that movies are more than what you usually see in cinemas. If they never amuse you that much, like, it still haunts you days or weeks afterwards, it's because they are not that good. I'm talking about mind-blowing movies here. Trust me. Especially movies nowadays: remakes. Adaptations. Sequels. And other oh-so-commercials. Okay you can take one example: Amazing Spiderman? .....ewwrr.
Okay, not all cinema movies are that bad, or generally bad. In fact, there are great movies in cinema, too, you can try the award-winning movies. (PS: i am thinking about Spike Jonze's Her (2013) right now!) But if you want to see the beauty of movies, try movies that are not on cinemas. you can try those created by renowned director like Stanley Kubrick or Martin Scorsese. or you try watch movies that are recommended in movie forums. or you can try festival films (mostly foreign language films), indie films, and so on.
I can't guarantee you those movies are good, but i can guarantee that watching those movies will give you new experience in movies. and hopefully you will fall in love with movies like i do! it's always good to love something new.

Umm i think i can recommend you some:
Grave of the Fireflies (1988)
Breaking the Waves (1996)
Jude (1996)
Green Mile (1999)

Requiem for a Dream (2000)

Dancer In The Dark (2000)

Million Dollar Baby (2004)

The Skin I Live In (2011)

since i am also a beginner in movies, i am open to critics and recommendations :)

You Already Know

i love this song a lot,

Bombay Bicycle Club - You Already Know

the lyric is so good that i want to share it here...

check it out

the moment we forgot we were just good friends

i moved my arm her face went red again

one more bus home 

another silent weekend

said love was painted gold

like all things growing old

the paint peels and slowly falls

you already know

looking out the glass

always sit together

we both know we could be someone better

not with our heads like London weather

said love was painted gold

like all things growing old

the paint peels and slowly falls

you already know

i always feel so gloomy every time i listen to this song.

it reminds me that nothing gold can stay; good times cannot last forever.

and i remember all good old times with all good old friends i ever had.

now that i remembered, it all feels like it happened long, long time ago, in some period of my life that i thought never existed

and i miss those moments so much it began to hurt, it really do.

the paint peels and slowly falls, i know.

seemingly impossible pursuit

do you ever feel like, somehow you don't belong anywhere you are now?

like no one can match you. no one can fit you.

no one can fully understand you, while you desperately want to be understood.

and all days just went away without meaning

laughters just felt at the very moment

and when you go back home it all clung to oblivion, let you to dwell in sadness and despair again, of finding that one person who can fully understand you.

that is, your 'kind'.

have you ever imagined to meet this man, your 'kind'?

be it a girl or boy

you imagined that they can guess precisely what's on your mind. what music you listen right now. what interests you right now. simply because he/she feels alike!

you imagined that you will have a long talk with them. for hours. talking about things you both have in common. from fashion taste to political view.

for you he/she is a human form of perfection, a human form of your muse.

and you decide that finally, you got someone who can be your friend for life.

if that person is a girl, you would want her to be your friend for the rest of your life. sharing apartment while you're both still single, shopping and clubbing together, and when you're both married, enrolling your children to the same school, going to spa together while talking about your husband, marriage life, or career life, or whatever. and that goes on till you're both old. :)

if that person is a boy, you hope that he can be your best friend, your lover, your guidance, your everything. and you can spend your lifetime together, with slight quarellings that do nothing but attach you both more and more.

and so, i decided that i am on my way to pursue that person.

i'm getting bored of talking about boys and make ups

lately i've been trying to be more concerned about national issues in Indonesia.

you know, everyone in my Twitter timeline talks about it everyday, and they say "you are not an economic student if you don't pay more attention to our country's issues" so i'm kinda embarrassed if i don't keep my self up to date (although it's still hard for me because i am not really into those stuffs)

but i try anyway... read some online articles and news... and guess what?

i ended up being disgusted and pessimistic about this country.

first, there are so many corruption issues these days. let it from PKS, Democrat Party, etc etc. even a friend said "everyone is involved, it's just a matter of turn of who is discovered one after another." it's sad that this country, given those immoral leaders, can no longer accommodate us civilians. all they think about is how to make themselves richer day by day (by immoral ways!)

second, it is clearly shown that our politicians and senate members do not fit their positions at all. in dialogues or news articles they always give inappropriate, even stupid answers. it's sad that they are sitting in their chairs just because they have more money and power (which they got from corrupting).

third, so many injustice neglected yet our leader does nothing to fix this. for example, a corruptor is sentenced three years in jail for corrupting billions of rupiahs while an old hag is sentenced a year for stealing some cocoa from her neighbor's garden.

this nation is sick. yes, this BIG nation. our leaders keep leeching from us taxpayers. our media are not free from influence anymore, making it harder to trust them. those politicians keep outsmarting the less educated ones (who always vote for leaders with looks not brains) which results in having the same classic weak presidents from corrupt parties. those who are less fortunate practically don't stand a chance--if not miracles--to upgrade their quality of living. the education quality here is poor--yes, just because it is provided by governors for free, we who can pay for better education quality in private schools/high quality public schools (see? even those who wants to enroll to a higher quality public school have to pay more) can see clearly that those schools are of poor quality. no decent library, labs, internet facility, etc, not to mention the ridiculous curriculum that results in how our students just attend school to get good scores (which forces them to do cheating, teacher bribery, etc).

well i have to admit that i am a lucky brat to get to enroll in my current university, and thus, have myself surrounded by highly educated people. some of which are dreaming to fix this big mistakes and systems. but me? no baby... you can't blame my apathy. and as i mentioned before, i am already pessimistic about this country.

there's no narration without conclusion, right? forgive my long boring blabbing :) in short, i think what this country needs is a fresh, youth, independent, and honest leaders. the problem is, we all know that the politics world are very dirty. it's very hard to keep your idealism and honesty with corrupt environment around alluring you to join the systematic corruptions. that's why i don't fully blame our leader--that is, our president--for doing nothing in spite of this systematic mistakes. what can we expect from our current president anyway?

and yes, only God can make miracles. and for me it doesn't seem like that miracle will occur any time soon.

what do you think? :)

P.S.: i'm writing this just to pour my so called concerns which is hard to discuss because no close ones around me seemed to care more than me. and because i write this with insufficient information i am apologizing if there is any of my words which doesn't fit your thoughts, of course, if your argument are based of trusted sources. i would even be thankful if you can share some of your thoughts with me.

if freedom is real

hey everyone

soooo long since my last post.

nah. it's my third week of 3rd term and it's veryyy hectic here.
well, currently i handle several committees and organization. and you know what
i dont know what to prioritize anymore, these tasks are demanding so much attention from me.
this week i skipped two classes just to take some rest and longer sleep, because i went home very late and i felt so exhausted. i didn't do Cost Accounting homework because i really don't have time. study? nope at all. i successfully failed at Financial Accounting quiz last Monday and Marketing Management quiz earlier this morning.
i am sorry mom, dad, :( i am really ashamed right now. my grades used to be number one priority in my campus life, but i think these activities are just too much for me to handle. moreover, i didn't feel that happiness and joy i used to have in previous committees i had joined. i am really devastated right now. :(
but well, it's not my style to break commitments with things i've committed to. i decide to finish these committees till the end. well... i dont break commitments, but doing things half-assedly is the consequence :|

and yeah, i have this misery. again.
you know, in all committees i joined the design division.
honestly i feel so enough with this design and photoshop thingy. i begin to hate it. i am bored with it.
well i have idealism in my design. i love graphic design because i love seeing beautiful and gorgeous things, from humans, scenery, paintings, photographs, even sculptures and carvings. i love them and the least i could do to contribute in this world's beauty is to make graphic design. every ugly designs i've ever made, i take it as one of my learning history, proof that i am trying to be better.
and now, being forced to do all those design... nowadays i feel like all i made is just junks. my design isn't as free as it was. it isn't exciting as it was. it doesn't make me proud as it was. and moreover, i didn't enjoy making those things :'''(((

is it too much to ask if i want someone to understand this feeling of hatred and devastation?